if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
