You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
