What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
