I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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