it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
