The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
