If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
