It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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