To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
