I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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