ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
