Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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