My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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