Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
