If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
