I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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