whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
