So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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