Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
