Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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