Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
