she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
