I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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