remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
operation have a gay friend backfired
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
