I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
