Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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