I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
nutella sex= disaster
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
