only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
