I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There r osticjed everywhere
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
