how can u be prego again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
