He told me they were just razor bumps!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
