Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
