Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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