Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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