my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
