Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
