Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
