Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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