Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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