At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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