i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
