I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
