fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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