I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
