i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
