I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
