I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
