we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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