im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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