So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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