Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
