I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
