i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
